Updated: Feb 18
It’s been a while since I wrote a freestyle post, and today, I’m hitting you with a pretty serious one. Basically, I’ve recently been feeling low. I don’t mean depressed or ill. I mean I’ve been disheartened and disappointed. Don’t worry, I’ll get to it in a second, but I just want to point out that this isn’t a rant, but a piece of advice.
If you’ve paid attention to my Instagram and Facebook stories, you’ll have seen a picture animation, with the words “When you’re feeling hurt, don’t give up!”. What I mean by this is transform that hurt and disappointment into motivation and use it as energy to push forward and prove to those who’ve doubted you that what you do is not pointless.
The Back Story
To make a long story short, I was recently made very angry and very upset, because someone close to me told me that they didn’t believe that what I do here, on Feather’s Charm, amounted to anything. They told me, and I quote, “it’s a hobby”. Now, you can see how very upset, confused, disappointed, hurt and angry I was. Actually, this was said to me, in around December, just before Christmas. Luckily, I didn’t let it get to me then, because, of course, Christmas was just around the corner, and I didn’t want to make it a bad one, just because I was dwelling on this comment.
However, after New Year, last week in fact, the topic came up again, and I was put under pressure to do something else, something that actually would help me here, but it meant having to set aside all the hard work and effort that went into building this website, just to get the skills to build this website further. I was so angry, stressed and hurt at that point that I started to really think about yelling at that person, trying to bring up the topic again and again, just so that they could understand that while I was trying to do what they wanted me to do, I was also applying all that I was learning, to Feather’s Charm.
Essentially, that person didn’t believe in my ability (they still don’t), and they couldn’t see how I could turn Feather’s Charm into a business, so they were pushing me to go down the “standard route”, begging employers to give me a job, even if it was in retail. At least I’d be on the jobs market again. However, it isn’t for a lack of trying that I don’t have a job, it is simply the situation we’re in, especially with this new variant of the COVID-19 virus, and the third lockdown, here in the UK.
You can see why I was upset by this. I thought that I could try creating my own business, alongside trying to get a job, so that even if I couldn’t find one, from anyone else, I could create my own. So, starting at the beginning of the year, I began to look seriously at what content I was going to put out for Feather’s Charm, and I was starting to implement it, when the conversation came up again, and that’s when my irritation and anger flared up.
The Bad And The Ugly
For someone like me, who’s relatively happy all the time, who doesn’t always hold a grudge, this one was really bad. It gave me a hopelessness I couldn’t imagine, and I kept thinking that no matter what I’d say, that person wouldn’t believe me, regardless of the reasons I gave, or explained how I thought, they are a stubborn lot. I know that this person is a realist, bordering on being a pessimist, and it killed me knowing that they didn’t support me.
Of course, they support me in other ways, but I had hoped that even if they didn’t say it out loud, they at least supported me in this. I had hoped that their support was a silent one. I’d have thought that by liking my posts, on social media, they were giving me that support. However, with that bombshell in December, I was completely shocked, and when the conversation came up again, last week, I lost all faith in that person.
Now, after a few days, I did start thinking of things in a different perspective, like “perhaps they’re supporting me, by not supporting me”, but I don’t think that’s a very good risk. By not supporting me, silently or otherwise, there was always a chance that my motivation would drop. Granted it didn’t, but those three words still echo in my mind, today and sometimes, I wonder what would happen if Feather’s Charm succeeds.
So, I know this is petty, but that blow in December, and again last week, has made me lose all confidence I had in that person, and so, if ever Feather’s Charm does succeed, that person will not be granted any credit. Of course, there will be some points where they will be credited, if they do decide to help, but for the most part, because of this lack of faith in me, I cannot and will not give them the credit that I probably would have given, if they hadn’t told me that they essentially didn’t believe in me.
Is That How You Transformed Your Emotions?
No, it isn’t. Actually, I was still pretty upset during the weekend, and I just couldn’t shake it off. I was low on sleep, I was stressed, and I really needed a break, but I was an emotional wreck that I couldn’t do anything remotely productive, until I began to move about in the kitchen.
I started out by cleaning out the kettle, descaling it (since we have hard water here, it gets pretty mucky after a few weeks), and then it hit me. I needed to stay away from that person, for a while, so I began to bake. I took out my ingredients, mixed them all together and baked vanilla cupcakes. They weren’t great, and I was baking on anger and lack of sleep, so I didn’t mix the ingredients in the correct order, but I still managed to make something edible, and yes, they’re being eaten pretty quickly.
However, that didn’t help much, and I still wanted to throw a tantrum. So, instead, I hit the mat…I don’t mean literally, I mean I worked out. I changed into my workout gear, plugged in my earphones, and played my usual workout routine, to push out all that negativity. Now, what you have to understand is that I am a Popster, meaning, I follow Cassey Ho on Blogilates! Her workouts are amazing, and they really do get me…hurt…exhausted…but in the good kind of way, and one of the videos I got that day was the “Ways to Build your Core & Confidence Workout” (I didn’t work out for two months, so I had to go back to the Beginner’s Calendar, to work my way back up to her monthly schedule), and in that video, she gave some really great advice.
One of them was about pushing the negativity out of your life. Now, while that’s a good idea, I found that there was another way I could transform that negativity, and actually, I was doing just that, only a few days before. You see, that negativity I was feeling all week, was being used as motivation, to get Feather’s Charm up and running. It was getting me to think about all the new content I was going to make, and I will make, and was gearing towards implementing them. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’ll happen straight away, but I’ve already planned for it, and things on Feather’s Charm are slowly taking shape and becoming something tangible.
The Final Lesson
So, what’s the lesson here? When you’re faced with negativity from someone, especially someone close to you, transform that negativity into something good, into something creative and productive. Turn that hurt, frustration, irritation and anger into motivation, determination and the drive to do what they believe you can’t do. I know that eventually, we’ll reconcile, once things calm down, and even if they don’t, it’s ok. At least I’ve proven to them that I did as I promised, and if I had backed down then, I wouldn’t be proud of myself now.
The same should apply to you. If you have a great idea in mind, one that you think would work for you, don’t be afraid to try it. Keep going at it, and even if the naysayers constantly hound you, that’s ok, as long as you keep trying. You never fail until you stop, and hey if in the end the success isn’t what you thought it would be, or it doesn’t succeed the way you wanted it to, at least you gave it a try, and you didn’t give up. That’s the lesson here. Don’t give up what you’ve started, unless you feel like it is no longer working for you, and when someone hurts and upsets you, because of it, don’t give in to the temptation of succumbing to that anger. Turn it into motivation and use that to continue working on whatever it is you do. You’ll be proud of yourself because you gave it a try.
Well, that’s it from me today, I’ll see you guys next time. For now, don’t forget to like, subscribe and follow for more updates and the latest posts here on Feather’s Charm and on my social media accounts. Oh, and share these posts with family and friends, those who you’d think might enjoy these topics and tips! I’ll see you later!
Image 1: Blogilates, (2020), The cover photo for the Blogilates Facebook page, [edited photograph], Available at: https://www.facebook.com/blogilates [Accessed 11th January 2021]