The Heartache Of Looking For A Stable Job

Feather Charm

5 hours ago

12 min read

Hello Everyone!

With everything becoming more expensive, it seems like there’s more need now to have a stable job so you can get stable money, to pay for the things you want and need. Honestly, that has been my thinking for the last 10 years, ever since I joined the workforce, but is it the right way of thinking? For as long as I can remember, I have been scared to be unemployed, because I have lived with a lifestyle that requires constant buying of certain products and services. That’s not to say I constantly get my nails done (if you’ve seen the My Bullet Journal Journey series, you’ll know). However, I do need certain skincare products and hair care products, to ensure my skin and hair don’t deteriorate, like they did last year, and having been unemployed for the last few months, has made me start thinking. Do I really want a stable, unfulfilling job?

The Premise: Save Now, Do What You Want Later

I’ve always been told, just get a job and when you have enough money, you can do what you want. That ethos has stayed with me, ever since I can remember and for a while, I agreed with it, although, there was always a part of me that couldn’t conform to it. In fact, as early as my first job, after university, I was looking for other jobs, one that wasn’t all day, every day, and were much more interesting than working in a shop, for minimum wage.

As many of you know, I graduated from university with a film production degree. I did fairly well, I received a 2:1 grade score, which, in this day and age, means absolutely nothing, and when I started to work, I thought I’d be able to easily breeze my way through to film productions that would pay well. Granted, at the time, there were so many people who told me otherwise and that unless you knew someone already in the industry, it’s almost impossible to get in. This, I learned the hard way, was true. For a good 3 or 4 years, I applied to so many roles, production assistant roles, producer roles, even modelling and extras work, because I thought that would help me get my foot in the door, but it never manifested. So, I ended up subscribing to the “stable job” ethos and waited to save enough money to be able to make my own film.

I couldn’t save that money. All that experimentation and job finding actually took my money away, since I was naïve enough to pay for photoshoots and professionally edited photos to get me started. Don’t get me wrong, I did manage to get a few TFP (Trade-For-Print) photoshoots out of those paid ones, but again, that didn’t go anywhere, since I was taking shoots few and far between, since my job at the time was pretty much full time at that point, despite me being contracted as part time. In the end, I decided to focus on finding a stable full-time job instead, because there was no way I was going to be able to commit to such an unpredictable industry such as modelling, acting and film production.

The Never-Ending Cycle

After about 5 years in my first job, I moved on to a couple different ones. I got my first barista role, in 2019, and it was this role that actually got me hooked on being a barista and learning about coffee. I loved it because it wasn’t on the high street. It was within an office building, catering to the office workers who occupied the floors above me. It was quiet for the most part, and I could experiment with my coffee making skills, as well as test out new products, whenever they were brought in. I could take my time cleaning the space, and it wasn’t too big. Plus, it was just a 20-minute walk from the site to my home. If I took a scooter, it would have been a little faster, and if I had learned to drive, before I worked there, it would have only been 5 minutes. Not only that, but there was a gym in the building that I could use for free, since I worked there! It was perfect!

While I was there, I loved it, and I could see myself doing that job for a few years, before moving on. However, there was still a part of me that wasn’t quite settled, and at the time, I was trying to restart Feather’s Charm, to earn money on the side. In fact, I even advertised it to some of my regulars, who’d stay and chat with me. I got them to follow me, although whether they kept up with the website or not, who knows. If you’re still here from that time, hi! It’s been a while!

Now, I’d been doing this job for a few months, but again, I still wasn’t completely happy. I was getting tired of doing so much physical work and being on my feet all day that I started looking for desk jobs. As you can see, this was a far cry from the industry I was supposed to be working towards, because my film production degree was not geared toward admin jobs. However, my reasoning was that I was good at organising the productions I was working on, so surely that would account for something. Eventually, I did get that desk job. Then I lost it.

The Lockdown Wake Up Call

It wasn’t anything I did, I was just the newest member of the team, and when COVID-19 hit, no one was certain they’d make it out of the lockdowns. I’m sure I’ve told you this before, but they did survive, and they’re actually thriving now. You can even find their products in some of the major supermarkets (no I’m not going to name brands, that would be crude of me). Nevertheless, I ended up being unemployed for the first time, and I was devastated at the time. I thought I had found a company I could work with for a good number of years, before leaving, but sadly, it wasn’t meant to be, although that didn’t stop me from crying, the day they sent me home.

Of course, I’m not one to hold grudges (says the woman who’s still a little bit bitter that they let me go before waiting for the furlough scheme to start up), but the next day I started looking again, and having experienced a few years looking for other stable jobs and not receiving any offers, or interviews for that matter, I was not hopeful. So, I ended up focusing on Feather’s Charm, for the entire duration of my time as an unemployed civilian. I started writing blog posts, creating image posts for Instagram, and focusing on some of my other projects that I started with a peer during university.

If you’ve seen my previous blog post, about the past lives of Feather’s Charm, then you’ll know that at this time, I had wanted her to be an educational blog. Although, looking back now, it wasn’t a good move, since I wasn’t academically trained to be a teacher, and the research I was doing was subpar at best. Nevertheless, I tried so hard to get her off the ground, although I knew she was going to take much longer to monetise, because I didn’t employ the one media outlet that everyone was consuming. Video. I was too terrified to even start, because I did not have the resources to make good videos, although I couldn’t have been farther from the truth, if I tried.

The Return To Work

While I was working on Feather’s Charm, I was also working on writing blog articles for clients on Fiverr. No, this wasn’t a comeback for me. In fact, I was getting pennies for my efforts, because the clients, I was working for, wanted to pay the bare minimum for my efforts. I wrote rather decent articles at the time, and I had a few regulars who were much more inclined to pay a little more than the price of my gigs, although they weren’t willing to go more than £30, and that was for articles that I’d produce once a week. Like I said, pennies, not an actual salary.

Eventually, when I did up my prices, my clients lost interest, even though they were happy with my work, and because of that I ended up trying to look for a full-time job more earnestly, and in summer 2021, I finally got one. It was a start, and it was a desk job, which was brilliant. It meant I didn’t have to go back into hospitality or behind a retail counter. I’d been there, done that, and I did not want to be on my feet again. So, I took the job, worked there for about half a year, then left. Why? They didn’t want to pay me more. I was probably working if not at minimum wage, then just under it, at the time, and I had jumped onto it, just so I could get back into the workforce, but I knew that what I was working with wasn’t enough for the job I was doing. Granted they were a small company, and I was doing what was in the job description, although I wasn’t yet comfortable getting on the phone and chasing people for money. After all, in a small company, as an admin assistant, you’re also the accounts administrator…right?

Anyway, I left that job, because I wasn’t satisfied, and I knew that I was capable of more than what they were paying me, so I left, hopped from one admin job to the next, because I was still trying to find the place I belonged, and landed myself in a job that lasted about a year and a half. All the while, I was still trying to get Feather’s Charm off the ground, and working with a client or two, from Fiverr. In the end, I had to let my clients go, and pause my efforts on Feather’s Charm, because the work I was doing, for my full-time job was starting to grow more cumbersome and I had to take some of the work home, so that it didn’t impact the work the next day.

The Realisation And The Heartache

Here’s where things began to spiral for me. As you all know, after this admin job, I ended up taking on barista and hospitality work, because I couldn’t keep up anymore. The desk job, which I thought I wanted, was becoming too much for me, and I was making too many mistakes that my employers couldn’t forgive. So, I decided to take on a role that didn’t require me to take the work home. Little did I know that I wasn’t going to take it home, my home would go to work. I was essentially at my barista roles 24/7, because we were either short staffed, busy until the end of the day, or there were events I had to stay at work for.

Through it all, I realised that I no longer wanted to work for someone else, even if it meant stability and a steady income. No one would treat me right, not small companies and not big ones. No one listened to my voice, because they had their own plans and responsibilities. So, I began to stop caring about what I was doing at work (well…no I didn’t, I still cared, because it was barista work, and I love being in a café, and making coffee, and if the customers were nice, I loved having a chat with them, and my colleagues – the ones that actually cared about me), and started focusing on Feather’s Charm. By this time, I’d already started the YouTube channel and had a couple hundred followers (some from telling customers about it, and getting them to follow me, others because they were genuine, organic traffic from YouTube), and I realised that this was the way to go. This was what I wanted to do.

Then came the sporadic year (if you know, you know), and I was splitting my attention between my day job, and Feather’s Charm, and I was failing both spectacularly. In the end, I wanted to go back to a desk job, because I am much older than I was, when I first learned how to be a barista. I had been a receptionist at a vet at one point, but that didn’t last too long, then I went back into being a barista, because I’d thought it was a little more structured and there were more hands to help me. That was completely untrue, because I was largely left on my own, which didn’t help my self-esteem or confidence. So, I applied to other admin jobs, knowing my CV was going to look bad and hoped that someone, anyone would take a chance on me, so I wouldn’t be exhausted by the end of the day, and I could continue working on Feather’s Charm.

The Final Nail In The Coffin

I did manage to get that admin job but lost it before I even began. Again, if you’ve read my previous article, you’ll know why. In the end, I became unemployed, again. I’m still unemployed, but rather than being bitter about it, I’m trying my best to finally get Feather’s Charm off the ground. As you can see, I’ve been posting regularly, on YouTube and on social media. I’ve been uploading blog posts and digital content, here on Feather’s Charm, and on Patreon, all the while, I’m still looking for that elusive “stable job”, because I do still need money to live.

However, the search and the applications are now the bottom of the totem pole, for me, because I know for a fact that if I continue to upload content, keep encouraging my audiences to help me out, and show off my crafts, then one day, Feather’s Charm will be monetised. It might take a while, but eventually I’m sure you guys will be generous enough to donate for me to continue making more things for you. Like I said in a previous post, about the 5-year and 10-year plans for Feather’s Charm, all of this rides on your shoulders. If you guys continue to keep supporting me, I’ll continue to make content, and hopefully, that content could be physical and tangible items you can keep for yourselves.

Now, that’s not to say, I don’t have other projects going on, far from it. I do have lots of other things going on, outside of Feather’s Charm, which I’m quietly working on, although I do allude to it here, every now and then, but those things, again will come in time. Essentially, thanks to being unemployed, and to the fact that companies now use AI to screen their candidates (yes they do, I know, because none of the jobs I’ve applied for have either responded to me, or they’ve rejected me outright because of their AI models), I’m working towards creating a business, for myself and others, that don’t have that toxic workplace culture that I keep seeing everywhere.

The Dream

In the end, I’m hoping to build a business that’s built on trust. I’ve experienced enough workplaces to know that I do not want to hire someone for experience. I want to hire because I can trust them to learn the job they’re about to do and do it well. I want to be able to trust them to have fun, but also get on with it, when things get hard. I want them to feel like they’re valued and not just another cog in the machine. Yes, it’s all well and good to say these things, and it’s another to actually do it. That’s why, right now, my aim is to build your trust in me. It’s why I write these posts.

If I don’t tell you the truth now, will you believe me when I do start earning money from all of this? I would like to believe that, once Feather’s Charm does become a business, my values of trust and honest work will remain the same as they do now. I hope these values can take Feather’s Charm far into the future. I know it’s an ambitious thought, but my hope is that I can be an employer that makes my employees feel proud to be part of my team. I hope Feather’s Charm can be a brand people will be proud to have been part of. It’s a far-fetched dream, but I’d like to think it will come true one day.

For now, however, I’m just glad you guys are reading my articles, watching my videos and downloading my content. I hope that eventually, you’ll all feel a little more generous, and subscribe to the exclusive content I’ve started to make for you, and tell all your friends and family about me, so they can subscribe too. Regardless, I am grateful you guys are here. You are the ones that keep me going and help me not decide to quit on it all and become another cog in the machine. I’m grateful that with every new subscriber, I am that one step closer to actualising my dreams and plans for the future.

One Step At A Time I Will Build That Stable Job

Ok, that’s a lot to take in, and a lot of it was probably repeated from one of my earlier articles, but at least you guys understand that while I might be doing this for the money, it’s purposeful money. It’s not just me trying to earn money from just making videos for social media. It’s me trying to make the world a better place, even if it’s just a small pocket of the world.

Alright, that’s it from me for now, I’m going to continue making my next video, for you guys. While I go do that, to those who’ve been here, with me, from the beginning, or if you’re not new here, thank you for your support. Please do consider subscribing to my plans, so you can get the exclusive downloads and content that I make for these plans. For those who are new here, please don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment, share and follow me, here on Feather’s Charm, on my YouTube channel, on my other social media channels (Instagram, Twitter/X, TikTok), and on Patreon, your support really does help me make more content like this, for you guys.